Elf on the Shelf: Cute or Creepy?

We’re all familiar with perhaps one of the creepiest songs depicting Santa we grew up with. Maybe this will ring some bells, “He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake,”. Santa or serial killer? Like most of our childhood songs we can now look back and think what the #$%? Now let’s take a look at Santa’s little henchmen. Children will flock and say no they’re awesome, filled with Christmas Magic! Us high schoolers take one look at the dementedly smug looking elves and go yeah, that’s sketchy right there. Now look, if it’s in the kitchen facing a corner that’s not so bad unless you’re foraging for a midnight snack and feel the prickling gaze watching you from an aloof shelf. But if you put these elves in the bathroom or a bedroom, that goes straight from slightly acceptable to 100% creepy. You still on the edge about believing the worst of your childhood Christmas Buddy? You won’t be by the end of this article.

I think we should discuss some other famous cousins of the Elf on the Shelf. Dolls. Yes I hope you jumped right to Annabelle because her and these elves probably meet up for family reunions. Of course you also should think of the influence where parents are getting their ideas from. Pinterest, and they have a lot of creatively creepy ideas of where to put the little stalker, including messages to terrify children. And teenagers. And adults. The point is, the wide mindset about this elf has gone from, ‘oh, Santa’s little helper’, to ‘yeah, that things going to kill me in my sleep’. Even children are a little skeptical, ten year old Grant Lewis has this to say about Santa and his henchmen, “They look suss”. You heard it folks. 

If you still don’t think the Elf is that creepy, let’s take a look at some of the critics featured in Wikipedia, “The Atlantic columnist Kate Tuttle calls it “a marketing juggernaut dressed up as a tradition” whose purpose is “to spy on kids” and argues that one shouldn’t “bully your child into thinking that good behavior equals gifts.” There’s some scary ideas for you. The Elf on the Shelf, spreading lies and teaching kids that privacy doesn’t matter, and this is just the first of many critics. This corporate imitation of tradition is downright spooky, maybe they should target Halloween instead. Not only is the Elf creepy in physical appearance, but their very purpose of watching kids and determining if they’ve been ‘naughty or nice’ is frightening. 

My official statement- The Elf on the Shelf is creepy. From their smug faces to the tags saying made in Indonesia, they ooze bad vibes. They look creepy, act creepy, and their very purpose is creepy. Corporate needs to keep their nose out of Christmas before we end up with any more abhorrent ‘traditions’.  Sincerely, stay safe this Christmas, because they’re watching you. If you don’t hear from me again, either Santa and his minions got me or their insane fans with a vengeance who play Christmas music as soon as it’s November.